Monday, November 04, 2002
Notes on a pajama party for older adults
"The reaction of the older adult participants to the retirement community pajama party idea was mixed. Some of the participants were excited, while others were quite clear that they had no intention of going because they thought the idea was insulting - childish and silly. I’m mixed about it, myself. I certainly believe in the power of silly, but I agree that older adults should be able to preserve their own personal sense of dignity. Isn’t it best to have it, as with the pajama party, so that those who want
to take part can do so, while those who do not can decline? Or is it the case that the naysayers shouldn’t have to be around silliness? How do we approach “silly” with older adults? How do we give them permission to be silly? How does a retirement community activities director choose appropriate activities? If the older adults had a higher opinion of the activities director, would they attend the party? Does the fact that this particular retirement community attracts more affluent residents play a role? Is there a better word to use with older adults than “silly”? The word has a negative tone (can you believe the Microsoft WORD synonyms for “silly” are: stupid, ridiculous, impractical, mad, childish, inane, asinine, and juvenile?!). Have there been times when I have resented something because I thought it was “silly”? Was it that the something was too silly, or were there other factors at play? Hmmm…"
Tom Weidenbach
Son-in-law Tom asks some hard questions.
My take on it is that a pajama party may be in fact too silly for some. It's a bit regressive. First of all, for guys, it's something only girls did - so the whole notion is puzzling and could be, for some, even insulting. Next, for girls, it is something they did when they were tweens - an awkward, tension-filled age. Something that they've celebrated growing out of for many, many years.
Anything regressive - playing with dolls, playing in a sandbox, playing house, fingerpainting, waterpistoling - can be great fun, but only when it's spontaneously chosen by people who are in close community. "Permission to get silly" - I think it's something older adults can only give each other. To have it mandated by an activities director, or by anyone outside the community, can be too easily interpreted as off- and down-putting. On the other hand, when a group of older adults is on an overnight excursion (note, even calling it a "camping trip? might be inappropriate), say, and it's night time, and somebody (preferrably one of the older adults) suggests "let's have a slumber party" - it can be great fun, energizing, inclusive, evocative. Permission to get silly can come from a caregiver who is himself being silly, but most often comes from the group itself, being in a special place, safe enough to be naughty in.
And I agree. "Silly" is a hard word. Even "fun" is hard, implication-filled. Words like "enjoyment" "exploration" "happiness" "joy" seem to be a lot easier for people to take seriously enough to get silly with.
Just to set the record straight on the etymology of "silly" we have from Dictionary.com: "[Middle English seli, silli, blessed, innocent, hapless, from Old English gesælig, blessed.]" In my opinion, when people have reached a stage where they can be silly together, they do, in deed bless each other, they do, in fact, become blessed.
to take part can do so, while those who do not can decline? Or is it the case that the naysayers shouldn’t have to be around silliness? How do we approach “silly” with older adults? How do we give them permission to be silly? How does a retirement community activities director choose appropriate activities? If the older adults had a higher opinion of the activities director, would they attend the party? Does the fact that this particular retirement community attracts more affluent residents play a role? Is there a better word to use with older adults than “silly”? The word has a negative tone (can you believe the Microsoft WORD synonyms for “silly” are: stupid, ridiculous, impractical, mad, childish, inane, asinine, and juvenile?!). Have there been times when I have resented something because I thought it was “silly”? Was it that the something was too silly, or were there other factors at play? Hmmm…"
Tom Weidenbach
Son-in-law Tom asks some hard questions.
My take on it is that a pajama party may be in fact too silly for some. It's a bit regressive. First of all, for guys, it's something only girls did - so the whole notion is puzzling and could be, for some, even insulting. Next, for girls, it is something they did when they were tweens - an awkward, tension-filled age. Something that they've celebrated growing out of for many, many years.
Anything regressive - playing with dolls, playing in a sandbox, playing house, fingerpainting, waterpistoling - can be great fun, but only when it's spontaneously chosen by people who are in close community. "Permission to get silly" - I think it's something older adults can only give each other. To have it mandated by an activities director, or by anyone outside the community, can be too easily interpreted as off- and down-putting. On the other hand, when a group of older adults is on an overnight excursion (note, even calling it a "camping trip? might be inappropriate), say, and it's night time, and somebody (preferrably one of the older adults) suggests "let's have a slumber party" - it can be great fun, energizing, inclusive, evocative. Permission to get silly can come from a caregiver who is himself being silly, but most often comes from the group itself, being in a special place, safe enough to be naughty in.
And I agree. "Silly" is a hard word. Even "fun" is hard, implication-filled. Words like "enjoyment" "exploration" "happiness" "joy" seem to be a lot easier for people to take seriously enough to get silly with.
Just to set the record straight on the etymology of "silly" we have from Dictionary.com: "[Middle English seli, silli, blessed, innocent, hapless, from Old English gesælig, blessed.]" In my opinion, when people have reached a stage where they can be silly together, they do, in deed bless each other, they do, in fact, become blessed.
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