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my ikigais

by Bernard De Koven on April 16, 2013

In a recent conversation about the “Inner Inner City” (see video on my Youtube Channel), my Dutch friend Thys Van der Veer used a Japanese word: “Ikigai.” According to the Wikipedist, ikigai is: “a Japanese concept meaning ‘a reason for being.’ Everyone, according to the Japanese, has an ikigai. Finding it requires a deep and often lengthy search of self. Such a search is regarded as being very important, since it is believed that discovery of one’s ikigai brings satisfaction and meaning to life.”

I seem to have several ikigais going for me. There’s my family, oh yes. There’s my sense of purpose, which, apparently, is something idiotic like “helping to make the world more fun.” And there’s my current mission: teaching playfulness. Which is what I usually wind up doing – devoting my foreseeable future to teaching what I most want to learn.

So far, I’ve had four different teaching/learning ikigais (I know, you’re only supposed to have one, but that’s me all over). They are, in order of my conceptual evolution: games, play, fun, and now playfulness.

I spent the first decade of my career exploring games, in theater, education, recreation, community celebration. I slowly began to see just about everything in terms of games. I wasn’t alone. Game theory, simulation games (what they now call “serious games”), philosophers (notably Homo Ludens), psychologists (see Games People Play, Golf in the Kingdom, The Ultimate Athlete, the Inner Game books). I wrote an elementary school in social skill development that was a compendium of about a thousand children’s games, organized according to social structure. I built the Games Preserve. Until everything I could think of about just about anything I could frame as a game.

After a while, it seemed to me that what I was really teaching was not so much about games as it was about the art of play. Games were structures, but the content, the heart, was to be found in play. So play became my next ikigai. My book, The Well-Played Game, was a product of my explorations of the game-play connection, and the ascendancy of the centrality of play to my understanding of self and purpose. This allowed me to expand my explorations in many directions: art, of course; business (meeting facilitation and teambuilding), workshops and retreats focusing on the healing and spiritual aspects of participating in a play community (first at the Games Preserve, later at the Esalen Institute). Until everything I could think about just about anything I could frame as play.

My third ikigai was fun: the meaning, the concept, the experience, the facilitation, the dynamics, the significance, the psychology, sociology, politics, the art. Games, play, at their heart, were all about fun. If they weren’t fun, we wouldn’t play games. If it weren’t fun, we wouldn’t play. Fun transcended structures and conventions. It could be experienced, shared, created by anyone. We could have fun with each other, with ourselves, with our bodies and minds and senses, with toys, with sticks and leaves, with art and science and love, oh, yes, with love. I was especially drawn by how little respect the word drew, and yet how powerful of a force it was on our selves and societies. Fun? Feh! You can get all emotional and cosmic when you talk about play; all profound and universal when you talk about games; but fun? So I started this blog, and the Major Fun program to recognize games that were what you might call “easy fun,”  and I ran more workshops in helping people find and create fun, and I developed what I called “fun coaching” as a way to help people have more fun, and I consulted on how to make things fun: toys, games, work, family, life.

And now I’m into my fourth ikigai. The playfulness one. Playfulness, it seems to me, takes the idea of fun to the next level. It’s a way of being that encompasses the emotion of fun, the action of play and the concept of game: a way of acting in the world, with the world, a way of interacting with family and community and self, a way of being more open, more responsive, more engaged, more compassionate, happier. The soul of creativity. The heart of art. It’s the path I want to be on, as much as possible. For the time being.

It could be that this was my ikigai all along, and the others were preparation. It could also be that there’s a fifth. Whatever, I figure. Whatever. I bought the domain: playfulpath.com. I just finished an e-book about it. I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what to name the book. I decided to call it A Playful Path. (Not the playful path, mind you, just a). For a donation, it’s yours.

A Playful Path.

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my kind of fun

by Bernard De Koven on August 13, 2012

As you know from perusing my extended (perhaps over-extended) exploration of the kinds of fun, this site, as well as I, are not here to talk about just any old kind of fun. In fact, I’d go further, and say, quite narrowly, that we are particularly interested in just one kind of fun – the kind of fun that we experience when we are part of a well-played game.

That kind of fun is, of course, not restricted to games. We can experience it when we are dancing, or making love, or playing with children or pets, even. This is probably what makes it so powerful, and so vivid, when it happens in a sport, where the only stated objective is to win. Where the only tangible reward comes from winning. And still we manage to create moments of profound, often mystical harmony, spontaneity, shared excellence.

As you read these many posts, and you find me talking about things like fun coaching, it’s the well-played game kind of fun I’m teaching and sharing and pointing to. When I write about the fun connections between play, laughter, health and happiness, it’s the connection to the experience of playing well together that I’m describing. Or the playful path, this is the kind of play. Even when I write about how fun is easy, this, again, is the fun of the well-played-game kind.

This kind of fun, as notable of an achievement as it is in sports, is just as notable, but even more achievable in games – especially in my kind of games – the playful games whose sole purpose is to keep you in play together. Because in that laughing together we are sharing the wonder of the fun we create, the love we manifest, the mind-body-soul-deep wellness we share, the momentary lowering of the divisions that separate us.

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fun therapy for grown-ups

December 8, 2011

So, back to “fun therapy,” which we know isn’t like “real” therapy because, for the time being, at least, it’s more of an idea than a practice. There’s talk about it, sure. But there’s no research. No certification. No rigorous studies of its efficacy. I’m just saying. This time, we’re talking about what fun therapy, [...]

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healing fun

November 21, 2011

In last Friday’s post, When Fun Goes Bad, I described how games and play and fun, because they are living things, reflect all faces of life, all purposes, all tendencies, all weaknesses and strengths. It was that particular observation that led me to focus much of my efforts on describing and developing certain kinds of [...]

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smelling fun

July 26, 2011

Of the many opportunities we have to experience and explore fun, few are more reliable or more engaging than the senses. Of the many senses, one that tends to get the least attention, and yet frequently proves to be the most engaging and evocative is the sense of smell. In her recent essay, “Why I’m [...]

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Carla

March 21, 2011

A few months ago, I wrote a post I thought was about fun coaching, but it turned out to be, in particular, about one fun coach I met in Israel – a fun coach who brought a touch of loving fun to me and my family and everyone who was fortunate enough to meet her – [...]

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“the fun is in the playing”

March 18, 2011

Some observations by Christian Isquierdo, of the Left Foot Coaching Academy, on the World Cup and the “true joy of the game” (from the IMSoccer News) The game of soccer is so beautiful in its essence that the fun of playing WITH the ball is more fun that just running around chasing it. I find [...]

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fun ‘fessin’

March 8, 2011

Fun is one of the things that we learn at a depressingly early age to look like we’re not having. As we grow older and find ourselves somewhere in the ranks of the educated, and hopefully the employed, our not-fun feigning abilities stand us in ever better stead with our mentors and employers. They all, [...]

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“playfulness in the kitchen is as necessary as salt”

February 18, 2011

There’s nothing wrong with spending a little money, if you think it will bring you a little more lasting fun. Here’s a little fun coaching from an unexpected source – a site called The Kitchn. It’s about the fun of kitchen tools. “I honestly believe that play is an important element of cooking. Why not have some fun [...]

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making a life

January 31, 2011

When I describe fun coaching, one of the most frequent of all frequently-asked-questions is “you mean, you actually make a living from this?” I am always a little pained when I hear that question. I do get paid, from time to time. But, basically, making a living-wise, my answer is “not so much.” And that’s [...]

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