Finding Fun

I just wanted to say thanks so much for an enjoyable, life affirming week at Esalen. It's only been a day since I left, but I already find myself laughing more than usual. Like at the car pulled over on Hwy 1 with a frog balloon tied to the antenna (made me think of the finger frogs). After taking a great walk along the coast this afternoon, I was inspired to give the capuchin monkey a quarter to shake its hand. And a million other things. At times, Serious has told Silly that I shouldn't be this giddy, but I overrule Serious and state I SHOULD be this giddy.

Kathy, aka Crystal - September 5-10, 2004

 

Life is fun when I let it be.

It's been a week of back to work and adjustments and i am still exploring this whole deep fun thing. I put on a fun workshop thursday on djembe drumming as a tool for coping with anger and addictions. I had two of my good friends assist me on drums. we had 10 people attend and created a magical 3 hours together.

I took my friends out to lunch for Indian buffet and my wife met us there. I love Indian buffets. They are fun.

My friend asked me what I learned at my fun workshop at Esalen and for some reason I was unable to articulate it. He asked me what I discovered was fun for me. I stammered and replied... "I like to watch TV." We all burst out laughing. I went all the way to Esalen to find out that I'm Chauncey Gardner, the character Peter Sellers played in the movie "Being There." I'll have to rent that one again.

Last night my wife and i took my cousin who is in from L.A. on a night on the Detroit town. He's been a doctor for 3 years and is a bit of a curmudgeon like me. We stopped by a friend's birthday party bash downtown only to find that he had canceled it 2 months ago and didn't tell us. He was to turn 62. When asked why he canceled it, a friend of his who was there told us: "He changed his mind and decided he didn't feel in the mood for a party." I felt sad and perplexed. It was supposed to be a big gig. How did he know two months ago that he wouldn't be in the partying mood two months later?

Anyway, we also stopped at another friend's home who does pottery, as does his wife. They have the cutest little home and it was all filled with various pottery they made and were selling. They had wine and cheese and I thought: "what a cool idea, having an art show in your own home." We bought a very unique vase/planter with a money tree in it... will keep you informed of any magical results.

Then we took my cousin to dinner in Greektown. We walked through one of the casinos that Detroit now has and noticed people looking like they were having fun but I'm not much into gambling of that sort and I noticed it saddens me to see people gambling. I know the misery that often results from it.

We went to a greek restaurant and I noticed the ambience and energy was flat. I suggested we get up and go to another restaurant and I'm glad we did. We ordered the OPA! Saganaki flaming cheese--that was fun! We shared two meals, cracked jokes, listened to Greek music and enjoyed funny exchanges with our waiter and busboy. We even made friends with the couple at the next booth. That was fun. We ended the evening with a short stop to a local church coffee house where another friend was playing with his band for a CD release party. We showed up in time for the final two songs. Our friend was happy to see us. That was fun. I'm sure my cousin the doctor hadn't had such a full night of fun in quite a while.

Today I am going to clean a friend's house in the nude. I promised to do this almost a year ago to the day and, hey, I'm a man of my word.

I also am hoping to call or see another friend of mine who is extremely depressed. He was arrested for shoplifting and is worried he may lose his license to practice law. It was painful to see him yesterday when I stopped by his office by chance. He told me it was a miracle visit as he was bottoming out this week. I pray he will experience fun again.

Tonite my mom and stepdad are hosting a surprise 70th birthday party for my aunt. We're expecting 50 family members and friends, many from out of town. It will be a catered affair so I'm not eating anything until then! If there's time afterwards, Tina and I may catch the last part of an annual square dance and hayride party our friends organize. It's a blast. They rent this rustic barn in the countryside and hire a "caller" to spin the little, scratchy squaredance songs. There's usually about 100 folks that come out. And the half hour hayride under the stars is always magical and fun. Of course, my wife doesn't tend to like trying to cram too many fun activities into one night and last night was almost too much for her to bear: that's NOT fun for her,

Anyway, life is rich and there sure are a lot of fun things to do once I get out of my head.

Thanks for letting me share, love, ter

Terry Shulman - a participant in the 9/03 DeepFUN weeklong program at Esalen.

 

 

When I went to your weekend at Esalen, alas, it was only a weekend, I was really ready for your message. I use the word "mindfullness" to talk about what you call "washing dishing/bubblegum" fun. I actually do practice that kind of minor fun in my life most of the time. There are few things I "hate" doing , except maybe cleaning the oven, which, as a result, I rarely do! But few other things in life have a "negative charge" for me.

What am I saying here? I really got from you and your work that I don't have to go to the deepsobs place to do The Work. I can go to minor (and major) fun and let the lovingness, the gentleness, the nurturing of having fun, even in simple ways, heal my hurts, soothe my soul and connect me to me, to others, to the earth.

That is a BIG thing. The down side is that it makes me question just a little the deepsobs kind of work but, being the HIghly Sensitive Peson temperament that I am, I suppose it is too much to think that I will never cry again. I cry at blissful times too, I would like to say for the record! And the parenting work I do with the organization believes that laughter relieves tension and hurt as well, if not better than tears.

The weekend with you made me see that life is so short and so precious and tears are fine but laughter and minor fun and accepting what is with a little more equanimity is so much easier on the system! Your explanation of the Me/We was very really helpful, the graph on staying in the zone was also very solid and resonates with other things I've learned once I recognized myself as an HSP temperament person. My set points for over/under stimulation are different than non-HSP people. NOT bad, not good, just different and I need to monitor that for myself as a way of nurturing me and praciticing good self-care.

So, I don't know that I have been very clear here about what a powerful weekend it was for me. I think that the shift in me towards everday fun in small ways has let me move more gracefully into this empty-nest thing. I DO have my moments of sobbing, but 97 per cent of the time, I am practicing "bubble gum chewing fun" as I move about in my life. The props (house, work, car, friends) are all the same, and yet I am still trying to find my bearings in this altered sea of life. Amazing how kids impact one's sense of oneself. What a journey.

I thank you for your good work and your loving gift to me.

Magdalena Cabrera - a participant in the DeepFUN weekend program at Esalen