Restoring Fun

Rehabilitation Games

2006-12-03T09:31:00.000-08:00

See, this is what I've been looking for ever since Atari - remember all those controllers? The joystick and then the knobs, two different kinds of knobs, and Trac Ball, and two different kinds of keypads... ? How each felt different, each became a different connection between you and the game?

Remember those arcade machines with all those different kinds of knobs and buttons? That's when I dreamed up my Fitness Arcade, just about then, when I had all those controllers, and people went to the arcades, and I realized how each different controller connected me to a different experience of play. And I said to myself, "Bern," I said, "Bern, we could make exercise fun, we really could, really fun."

And today I find Biometrics Ltd, and learn that the fitness arcade might very well be in the process of becoming the rehabilitation arcade, bringing something fun to healing, something fun, at last.

from Bernie DeKoven's FunLog

The Pickup Game as a Model for Peace?

2006-11-21T15:29:00.000-08:00

In his "My Turn" article, Newsweek's Nicholas O'Connell writes about The Pickup Game as a Model for Peace? (there's that question mark again - I guess someone at Newsweek wasn't ready to commit to the idea that a pick-up game could actually prove to be a model for something as desperately sought after as world peace - must not have read the whole article):

"Over the centuries, there have been many utopian schemes for world peace, now mostly consigned to the ash heap of history, but soccer offers a vision of how such a world order might actually work. There are none of the vague platitudes you hear at UNESCO conferences; the sport allows for plenty of competition; it's not just about love and brotherhood, as witnessed by the recent World Cup. People push, shove and sometimes foul. They want to win. But they must subordinate even the fiercest rivalries to the game itself. If a fight breaks out, the game stops. No one wants that...

"This is not to say that national identity didn't matter. The Arabs and Africans favored showboat dribbling and cartwheeling bicycle kicks in front of the goal. Irish, English and Americans like me preferred a more team-oriented, ball-control style. The more repressive the political system, it seemed, the more individualistic the soccer. These styles mixed and meshed and sometimes clashed, but when a long pass arced across the mouth of the goal, no one was thinking of the ethnicity of the person who passed it, only of heading it into the back of the net."

All right, all right, so maybe it's not a model for world peace. So how about "world play?"

from Bernie DeKoven's FunLog

Free Hugs

2006-09-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

I found this video about The Free Hugs Campaign on Milk and Cookies.

It made me sad.

It made me laugh.

It made me angry.

It made me cry.

This is a world where giving free hugs is a political statement.

This is a world that was made to be a lot more fun than we let it be.

The Lazy Way to Success

2006-09-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

I found this quote on a blog called "The Lazy Way to Success:"

"I did not do it with hard work. I did not do it by busting my butt. I did it by having fun – so much fun that people were attracted to that fun. I then picked the most competent attractees to be on my team and off we went. Whatever “hard work” there might have been, I had long since turned into a game and we had fun “playing” it.

"We had fun and by having fun we discovered stuff which led to more fun which led to more discoveries which led to more fun and so on. In my opinion, when the fun stops, that is an indication that the end is near. Preserving the fun, nurturing the fun, and stoking the fun are the keys to a thriving organization."

The quote is from a fellow named "Fred Gratzon," coincidentally the author of The Lazy Way to Success. Serendepitously, Fred has had some mighty relevant business experience to back up his insights:

"In 1979 with no money, no experience, and no knowledge of how to make ice cream, he founded The Great Midwestern Ice Cream Company. In 1984 his ice cream was judged by People magazine to be the best ice cream in America. Playboy made the same declaration in 1986.

"In 1989, again with no money and no knowledge or experience of telecommunications Fred founded Telegroup in a spare room in his house. Telegroup became an international long distance carrier and grew to 1100 employees with $400 million in annual sales."

One cannot help but be impressed by the man and the message. One cannot help but feel vindicated, encouraged, freed, even, by his clearly well-founded faith in fun. Especially if one, oneself, leads a workshop called "Leading with Fun."

Laundry Balls

2006-09-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

According to this article, a game often referred to as "Norwegian Golf" (a.k.a. Arizona Golf Balls, Australian Horseshoes, Ball Dangle, BlongoBall, Bola, Bolo, Bolo Ball, Bolo Golf, Bolo Polo, Cowboy Golf, Dandy Golf, Dingle Balls, Flingy Ball, Gladiator, Golfball Horseshoes, Hillbilly Golf, Hillbilly Horseshoes, Horseballs, Ladder Ball, Ladder Game, Ladder Toss, Monkey Balls, Monkey Bars Golf, Montana Golf, Norwegian Golf, Norwegian Horseshoes, Pocca Bolo, Polish Golf, Polish Horsehoes, Poor Man's Golf, Rattlerail Toss, Redneck Golf, Rodeo Golf, Slither, Snake Toss, Snakes, Snakes & Ladders, Spin-It, Swedish Golf, The Snake Game , Testical Toss, Tower Ball, Willy Ball, and Zing-Ball) is actually called "Bolo Toss" or "Ladder Golf."

Searching for the commercial branches for the potential junkyard roots of this multi-named, outsider sport, I found myself constructing my very own set of bolo balls. Two superballs, some plastic wrap a couple of rubberbands, and, as herein depicted, voilà bolo balls. And then, as I went out to show Rocky (depicted above) my new achievement in junkitude, I couldn't help but notice the bolo-ball target-like qualities of that laundry drying thing we use. I threw. They twirled and bounced and wrapped around one of the laundry drying thing's sticks, and it was as if the game destined to be known as "Laundry Balls" invented itself. Which it did. And so did I.

Given the above, next time someone asks you if you know how to play Norwegian Golf, please ammend your standard response to: "do you, by any chance, mean Australian Horseshoes, Ball Dangle, BlongoBall, Bola, Bolo, Bolo Ball, Bolo Golf, Bolo Polo, Cowboy Golf, Dandy Golf, Dingle Balls, Flingy Ball, Gladiator, Golfball Horseshoes, Hillbilly Golf, Hillbilly Horseshoes, Horseballs, Ladder Ball, Ladder Game, Ladder Toss, Laundry Balls, Monkey Balls, Monkey Bars Golf, Montana Golf, Norwegian Golf, Norwegian Horseshoes, Pocca Bolo, Polish Golf, Polish Horsehoes, Poor Man's Golf, Rattlerail Toss, Redneck Golf, Rodeo Golf, Slither, Snake Toss, Snakes, Snakes & Ladders, Spin-It, Swedish Golf, The Snake Game, Testical Toss, Tower Ball, Willy Ball, or Zing-Ball?"

By the way, these plastic-wrapped, rubber-band-tied super balls are significantly fun in and of their own right, bouncing, as they do, and spinning, as they also do, in a visually pleasing, oft humorously unpredictable manner, whilst simultaneously displaying far tamer bounciness and more catchable properties than the single super ball.

Don't Let the Humor Escape You

2006-08-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

Games Seniors Play

2006-07-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

This week's newsletter started with a link to this article in Newsday - Racing to Play. It's about the kinds of games seniors play. You know what kinds the reporter talks about? The Mah Jong, Scrabble, Bingo kinds. The reporter actually interviewed me. She had already done a lot of research and was convinced that she had a fundamental grasp of what seniors (that's me, too, you know) play.

Me, I was horrified. Here's the only quote she got out of me:

"Fun is "noble" in the eyes of California-based game-maker and guru Bernie DeKoven, 64. "I think a lot of older people are reclaiming their need to play," he said, "and they're looking for opportunity and finding places that foster a certain amount of playfulness."

You can almost hear the horror.

I received a couple of wonderful responses from subscribers, and I wanted to share them with you.

The first came from George Platts, long time friend and renown artist of fun, who coined the term "Everlasting Games:

"I've been playing and inventing wacky games for groups of seniors to play for over ten years.

"'Seated Hockey' almost got out of hand it was SO physical. The other hospital staff could not believe it (how fun it was). The seniors really enjoyed it. We played hard. We played fair. Nobody was hurt. That's easy, if you have the know how.

"'Bean Bag Bin' was specially designed because a number of the seniors were blind or partially sighted. Two lines seated opposite each other. A thrower. A catcher. Thrower tosses a heavyish bean bag. Catcher uses a metal trash can. If the thrower is blind, the catcher can move the trash can. If the catcher is blind, the thrower can aim well enough. The bean bag dropping into the metal trash can makes a very satisfying noise (and doesn't bounce out). Each thrower has three turns then the bean bags and trash can ('bin' in English) move to the next pair alternating thrower-catcher between teams. When it gets to the end of the line everybody stands up and changes to the next seat in line (each team in an opposite direction - the end people have a longer walk; good exercise) and the second round begins with people facing different opponents . . . and so it goes. Brilliant."

And from Jac Rongen, these wonderfully affirming photos.

Coliberation (reading)

2006-07-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hello again, boys and girls. Here's a reading of an article I wrote about CoLiberation, which is a word I made up for having fun together. You maybe want to read it, too, here.

Sustainable Fun

2006-06-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

Sustainable Fun? In an ecologically-sensitive kind of way. Like, for example, any of these "Possibly Scoring 10 for Non-consuming" activities:

the pleasures of breathing fresh air in the country
sea-bathing and surfing
collecting empty shells or other beach combing
hiking (no litter),bushwalking
playing most team sports that don't necessarily involve personal violence (which 'wastes people' by damaging them)
birdwatching
bee-keeping
scrabble
friendships, love and affection
climbing, canoeing, running, horse-riding
picnic in the park - the 'park' part of it
politics in the pub

I love this concept: sustainable fun. Of course, what I love about it is thinking that there are sources of fun which are, in fact, sustainable. Not your consumable fun. But your sustainably fun kinds of fun. Your always fun, Junkyard Sports kind of fun. And that this kind of fun, this sustainable resource of endless delight, is as natural as friendship and snow.

In fact, so central to fun are these natural resources that, corrolarily speaking, one can say that "if it isn't fun, it isn't sustainable." Which just happens to be, according to this source and Funscout Joey Gray, a central theme voiced by environmentalist Dr. David Suzuki.

Primal Glee

2006-04-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

If you like the whole psychology thing, there's an article I write that seemed to me particularly timely, once again. It's called: The Therapeutics of Primal Glee, and it's the text of this FunCast.

Love and Play

2006-03-22T07:03:00.000-08:00

Humor and Play: Joyfully Overcome Relationship Hurdles is a new article appearing in a rather remarkable health information resource called "Help Guide." Rather remarkable, at least from my perspective because it also coincidentally just happens to include an article that I co-authored with Dr. Jeanne Segal "Playing Together for Fun."

The article itself is also of the rather remarkable ilk, opening with a quote from Major Fun, himself, and mine, too.

Now that you know what peaked my interest, let me go on to suggest what might peak yours with some semi-random samples:

"Love play is not a competitive game; it has to be fun, interesting and equally engaging for both partners. There can be no winners or losers in interactive play. Something isn’t funny unless it is funny to both parties – and this includes teasing. Each person has to be excited and drawn into the experience. When this is the case, nothing is more stimulating. If, or when, the playful experience isn’t mutual, the play isn’t interactive and may detract from, rather than support, a love relationship..."

"Play gives us an opportunity to turn frustrations and negative experiences into opportunities for shared fun and intimacy. In the context of interactive play, we replace judgment and criticism with humor, and can say and do things that might be awkward or offensive in other contexts. In playful settings we hear things differently and can tolerate learning things about ourselves that we otherwise might find unpleasant or even painful. Play also gives us a positive way to address differences."

"Play is a powerful survival mechanism that supports our ability to surmount life’s hardships and tragedies. Whole civilizations brought to their knees have survived over time by enlisting the force of humor and play to counteract their distress. Deeply experienced emotions can alternate rapidly. One moment we can be in the throes of grief and the next laughing at a ridiculous memory or comment. Such is the nature of primary emotion. Humor and play are respites from sadness and pain but, more than just time out, play also imbues us with the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope."

Intergenerational Kickball

2006-03-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

Funscout Kris Bordessa sent me this link from today's West Hawaii Today. If you're not already a member, you have to join (name, email address). I'm not really much of a joiner, but if Kris, author of Team Challenges (you can listen to my interview here), tells me to look at something, it's gotta be worth the price of membership. So I click. And I look. And look! It's about Intergenerational Kickball!

And I read more. And I'm so moved. And so encouraged. Almost to the level of thinking "my job here on your planet is done," if you know what I mean. Not to prejudice you. Here. Read this. And you tell me.

"'You can tell we don't have any rules here,' joked mother and game coordinator Lani Bowman. 'We had one of the dad's come who's a baseball coach and he couldn't handle it.'

"Actually, there were quite a few rules that were announced as the game went on. First, and most important for the mature players in the game, was no beaning anyone over 40. But feel free to wallop anyone else with the ball as they run wildly past.

"Everyone gets to kick twice before the sides switch and you can start running when the pitcher releases the ball. Plus, someone has to run for 85-year-old Auntie Rose after she kicks.

"These are the types of things childhood memories are made of -- cool and clear Sunday afternoons with kids and "grown-up" kids screaming, running, laughing and getting dirty with little structure attached. For the group of 10 participating in this intergenerational kickball game at Kamehameha Park in Kohala this Sunday afternoon, the only thing they needed to worry about was the occasional rock in their shoe....

"'I love to mingle with the children,' said Rose Ramos, who at 85 was the veteran player of the group. 'The children are having fun so to be a part of it is fun.'"

Intergenerational Kickball. Organized for the fun of it. And because people were looking for "a way for the keiki [kids] in the area to interact with their elders and each other to build a stronger sense of community in an area that struggles with poverty, broken homes and drugs."

And they sure found a good one!

(see also my collection of Intergenerational Games.)

When was the last time you played?

2006-02-27T14:04:00.000-08:00

Marc De Bruin asks: "When Was the Last Time You Played?:"

I quote:

"Firstly, find out where you are hanging on to seriousness. Where is your life governed by doubt, worry, anxiety, fear of the future, etc. Where have you suppressed playfulness in favour of gloom? Be honest with yourself!

"Secondly, define for yourself what 'playing' means to you. I may have a completely different definition of the word than you, and therefore my "playing" will be different to yours! What would you do if you decided to play? Go to a musical, play chasings with your partner, go to a footy game, play hide-and-seek with your kids, buy a super-soaker and squirt cars in the street, etc.?

"Thirdly, find examples in your surroundings of people that "play" the way you would like to. What are they doing? How often do they do that? What sort of people are they? What can you learn from them?

"Lastly, take action!! Find at least two occasions in a week in which you can play out full. Go past your own boundaries, act a little crazy, do things you would never do before, make a fool of yourself, and laugh out loud! If that is too much, do something that is less "out there," but still is a stretch in your model of the world, and then do a little more the next week.

"Seriously...we need more fun and play in our lives. You will not only feel great, you will have an enormous influence on the people around you also. Just try it: walk past somebody and give them an honest smile. You will make their day."

Ad when you are ready for some advanced fun, might I suggest perhaps a Pointless Game or a round or two of Mondo Croquet?

Animal Behavior, Learning, and Playfulness

2006-02-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

In her article "Animal Behavior, Learning, and Playfulness," Myrna Milani, DVM, writes:

"First, I think that all behavioral scientists agree that evolution has primed young animals to learn from play. That tells us that this constitutes the most deeply embedded and thus energy-efficient way to teach animals new things. And because we know that domestication more or less suspends an animal in a physiologically and behaviorally immature state, this link between learning and play most likely lasts throughout a domesticated animal's life."

I know she's writing about animal behavior. She's a DVM, for goodness sake. But, as a deeply domesticated animal myself, I can only concur as well as agree. Though I think the physiologically and behaviorally immature part can be attributed to the play-youth connection (play and you act younger, look younger). As for playfulness being a deeply embedded way for me to learn new things, it is clear that the connections between learning and play in my life have not only continued, but increased in strength, number and kind:

"Second, whatever else play in adult wild animals might denote, in many cases it signals an animal who has established and protected a territory, found food and water, mated , reproduced and raised young with energy to spare. If this weren't the case, the potential for adult play wouldn't exist in the gene pool. That says to me (and I admit that some anti-adult-animal-play scientists don't agree) that a playful adult possesses more confidence and ability to cope with stressful situations than a nonplayful one."

It has in deed been my observation that a playful adult has more confidence and ability to cope with stressful situations. Or, perhaps even more self-evident, the adult (animal or human being) who isn't playful tends to be more easily stressed and often more concerned about his ability to perform. At any rate, all this coincides both fortuitously and non-coincidentally with last Friday's article Playfulness and the Health of the Herd.

World Games Fun Day

2005-11-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

The World Games Fun Day features 50: "playful first encounters with sports ranging – alphabetically – from aikido to water ski. These exercises were developed by German sports pedagogues (under the lead of Christoph Gehrt-Butry on behalf of the Duisburg Sports Council and the Organizing Committee for The World Games 2005) for physical education classes to be held at schools in North Rhine-Westphalia. But many of the exercises can be easily adapted to all-ages programs elsewhere: from psychomotor education in a kindergarten all the way to fitness classes for senior citizens and even parties. They are flexible and ageless. Above all, they’re for fun!"

You can download a PDF file of all 50 of these game/exercises here. They are in many cases the very essence of Junkyard Sports - physical, unthreatening, and, as they say, they are, above all, all for fun.

A Little Mind/Body Game

2005-10-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

Here's Bernie, et. al., with the audio from a Little Mind/Body Game he played during a performance of Recess for the Soul.

"Why Should I Play with my Kids?

2005-09-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

I found an article titled "Why Should I Play with My Kids? by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC (check your pop-up window prevention settings before opening links). It begins:

"My son came running around the corner of the house. It was just as I had hoped. I gave a wild, primitive yell as I sprang out at him. He hit the ground quickly, trying to avoid my grasp. I reached down and tagged him easily, and the burden of being "it" was transferred once again.

"As I searched for a new hiding place in front of the house, my wife called from the front door. "Mark, it's eight o'clock, the kids have to come in!"

"I was a bit dumbfounded. We'd been playing tag for two hours.

"In those two hours, I'd been unaware of time. There were no worries about projects at work, what time the kids needed to go to bed, or whether we had enough money to last the month. My focus had been on playing tag, and nothing else. And when your focus is complete, you've entered a state that has no limitations. Your joy and passion can come alive, and your children's can, too."

...and concludes:

"Research has shown that kids laugh about one hundred times a day, and adults laugh about six times. Our kids are showing us something. Isn't it time we started learning how to be playful again?"

And the neat thing is, we know exactly where we can find the best teachers.

Learning about play - from children

2005-09-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

There are two kinds of Childhood Truths, and one of them is eternally true, true as any other kind of truth, adult or divine.

It's that kind, the childhood kind that are true forever, that form the basis for Deep Fun.

It's the kind of truth that was taught to me, when I was a child, addressing my Inner Adult. Truths I promised to remember and defend with a maturity of purpose beyond my years.

I wrote a little article about it. About the a certain kind of truth we learn as children - I guess you'd call it a "youth truth" - that is eternally true. True beyond childhood. Beyond adulthood even. True unto death.

This is the first time I've said anything about my work having anything to do with children, publicly, at least. My life in games has focused heavily and fairly consistently on adults. Yea, the very formation of the Games Preserve and my involvement with organizations like the New Games Foundation and institutions like the Esalen Institute, have all been firmly rooted in play as something for adults to do together, with each other - something true, and meaningful, and empowering, and loving, and safe and often hilarious. And all that time, I've had to struggle against the notion that what I'm doing and asking other people to do is, well childish. From my perspective, Deep Fun has always been a profoundly adult experience.

But, the fact is, that what I've learned about play I learned mostly when I was a child, addressing my Inner Adult while my Outer Child was busy at play. Eternal truths of eternal youth, true beyond all the untruths and half truths of childhood. And as an adult who plays with other adults in most adult-like manners - professionally, even - it was one of the last things I wanted to admit, that all this is based on, rooted in, what I've been able to learn from children.

But today, when I looked at the Deep Fun site, and at Junkyard Sports and at Major Fun, the truth was unavoidable. All the truths about play and life that I teach as an adult, I learned as a child and learn still from children. And what I have best learned as an adult, is how to teach them to other adults.

"Learning from Children." It's what I've done, been doing. Learning from Children about play. And the people I've been touched most deeply by are those very people who also learn from children, from childhood. Which led me to one of the most giggly Googles I've ever experienced, to find suddenly how connected my work in play has been, to so many disciplines, and to people who write articles like these:

Learning From Children "Spend time with children. Learn more about laughter, spontaneity, curiosity, acceptance, resilience, trust, determination, and your imagination. They are here to teach us!"

Being Playful - learning from children - Check out this wonderful abstract: "This paper explores children's understanding as a resource and inspiration for interface design and beyond. From children we can understand innate intelligences and skills, including a sense of number and the nature of play. Play is possibly one of the origins of imagination, which in turn is essential for our own creative thought. Surprisingly few adults engage in creative play, but it is when adult-like rationality and child-like imagination meet that we can best produce effective and innovative solutions. Even writing a paper has aspects of playfulness, such as the puzzle of phrasing an abstract in exactly one hundred words... or so"

TEACHING THE WAY CHILDREN LEARN "Constructivist classrooms operate on the premise that learning in school need not, and should not, be different from the many rich natural forms of learning that students have experienced before they have ever entered the corridors of a school. "

Museums and the Web 2004 : Papers : Neal & Van Wormer, Making Learning Fun ... "When fun is overemphasized, children focus more on the gaming and little learning results. The optimal educational impact is achieved when learning becomes fun."

Deaf People's Inner Voice

2005-07-21T15:38:00.000-07:00

In her article, "Deaf People's Inner Voice," Hannah Holmes answers the question: "Do profoundly deaf people who learn to talk have a voice in their head?"

It was my work with "Recess for the Soul" that made me so interested in this question. And Ms. Holmes' response made me very glad I asked. She responds: "Not just those who learn to talk -- any deaf person may find that annoying rattle of gibberish knocking around in her skull. The brain, it seems, is determined to natter to itself, whether it does it in English, Swahili or some private and non-transferable language." In other words - words a bit closer to mine - the soul of a deaf person is filled with voices that are equally in need of an extended recess.

It's a very short article, and left me (and I hope you) wondering about this particular wonder. When she asked this question to Peter Houser, a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology, she got the following response: "...the brain has a special capacity to develop phonological representations, even when it does not have auditory input. The representations might be dramatically different from what hearing individuals hear. Nevertheless, they function in the mind as 'sounds.' Deaf schizophrenics...have auditory hallucinations, and blind schizophrenics have visual ones."

A Guide for Fun and Play, guest article from Dr. Gary Brainerd

2005-06-14T01:51:00.000-07:00

"The couple that plays together stays together." "The couple that laughs lasts". (Brainerd 2002, adapted from other sayings).

In the Romantic Stage of a relationship, there is a lot of laughter, fun and play. Both people are "on drugs" (See the article on Stages of Romantic Relationships) and find great pleasure in just being with each other.

As the relationship deepens and develops, the drugs wear off and the Power Struggle or Growth Struggle phase of the relationship begins. During this period, fun and play become less and less spontaneous and less and less frequent. The brain responds to safety with playfulness. When there is anxiety or anger in the relationship, playfulness does not emerge as often.

Therefore we believe it is important that couples address this phenomenon with their cortex, the conscious, intentional part of the brain, and choicefully create times for play and enjoyment.

Laughter and play are an important part of mental health. A "belly laugh" each day is not an unreasonable goal. Finding way to create laughter and play is a worthy challenge. Each week do something playful, enjoyable, fun, recreational with your partner.

A rough rule of thumb for couples is that approximately half of their leisure time activities should be couple activities and about half should be separate activities, either alone or with friends. Both extremes where all leisure time activities "have to" be with each or when virtually no leisure time activities are with each other are troublesome.

Playing and having fun is an important part of mental health and marital health. In the growth phase of a relationship, things can get pretty heavy and serious. Learning to regularly take time to enjoy, laugh, play together is essential.

You also might try periodically telling each other a joke or a funny story each day or several times a week. Developing, maintaining and using a sense of humor will take you far in this relationship journey.

Relearning play

2005-06-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

"I know that there is a real need for people who were not played with as infants to relearn interactive play - which is essential for successful adult relationship, both causal (with people who are basically strangers and will remain so) and people with whom you are in committed relationships: spouses, grown children siblings. Playfulness is important in successful conflict resolution as well as for shared fun and joy. Lots of people suffer in their relationships because they are so serious all the time. The ability to playfully interact can save your life in a serious emergency setting like a hospital - keeping people attuned to you and you attuned to life."

Dr. Jeanne Segal

A few games of intimate fun

2005-05-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

I've written a brief article on the topic of Intimate Fun that I thought you might find, well, fun. If you want to skip the theory and go right on to the games, try these:

Mutual MEditation

Hold each other's wrists so that you can feel each other's pulse. If you don't want to hold on to each other's wrists, any pulsing part of each other's anatomy will do. The stronger the pulse the better. On every other pulse, say the word 'Me.' Continue doing this until you hear the 'we.' Then start saying 'we.' Perhaps on every third pulse. Saying 'we' over and over again, listening, of course, for the separate and yet cojoined 'Me.'

Follow the Follower

Turn on some gentle music and sit facing each other. One of you is the reflector. The other the reflectee. The reflector simply does whatever the reflectee does. Continue in these roles for 10 inhales. On the 11th, change roles. Continue thusly for the next 8 inhales, and, on the 19th change roles again. Continue in like manner until you can't tell who is the reflector and who is the reflectee.

Air Theatre

Lie on your backs, with your heads together, ear-to-ear, and your feet at opposite ends. Put both your hands straight up in the air, above your face, so you can see each other's hands. Think of it as a stage up there, where your disembodied hands can carry on conversations, speaking in your disembodied voices. You're on our backs, hands in the air. You let your fingers do the talking. It's like shadow puppetry without the shadows. Hand shaking. Hand slapping. Hand music. Hand dancing. And whenever you need to thicken the plot, bring in the Foot Beings, the dialog with whom invariably leading to a semi-yogic collectively callisthenic Whole Body Air Theatre.

Food Theatre

1) Prepare at least five or so finger foods, each with a different crunch. For example: cranberry sauce, cashews, ginger snaps, cheese nips, and garbanzo beans.

1.a) Place each in a small saucers or cuplets. Make two sets.

1.b) Decide who is going to be the first Chewer.

2) Blindfold the listener. The listener places an ear to the Chewer's cheek.

2.a) The Chewer takes a small piece of one of the foods, and chews as necessary.

2.b) The goal, if one is needed, would be to identify what is being chewed, and perhaps how much of it, along with some estimate of swallow duration.

2.c) Or perhaps both Chewer and Chew Detector, both chewing and listening at the same time whilst simultaneously attempting to identify what the other is eating.

3) Estimated duration: 3-8 minutes. Activity is often left incomplete due to hilarious incapacitance.

from "The Fun Connection"

2005-05-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

I thought you might find this, from my article "The Fun Connection, a good introduction to the process of restoring fun:

So, what is fun?

The thing about fun is that most of the time we never really know we're having it until we're not. So usually we can only tell when something was fun. And then we forget about it. Unless it was really fun, so much fun that it was unforgettable. That's what I call "Deep FUN." What other people call being in "flow" Being in the "zone." I like to think of Deep FUN as those times when we get totally present. When we are exactly where we most want to be. Every aspect of our selves - mind, heart, muscles, breath, senses - is completely engaged. Involved. Not because we make ourselves be present. But because we totally, absolutely, entirely want to be doing what we're doing, in this place, in this moment, in this body. Because we are wholly, completely, exactly where we want to be.

Those are the times when we become gifted, when everything we experience is a gift - the day, the people, the ability to experience. When every word we can manage to form is a word of gratitude, praise.

So how do we make it fun? And how do we keep it deep?

The first step in making things fun is to take note of everything that we do for fun. So we can see it all. So we can see it, at all. My suggestion, start with an inventory: What fun do we remember having? Deep FUN can happen and be over in an instant - in the time it takes to catch the glance of someone who glances at us. An instant that at the time was timeless. Like the eternal moment of a high dive when we are between board and water. That could have just as easily happened on the telephone or on the way to the bus, on a tricycle or in a Ferrari. We make the inventory as inclusive and extensive as we can - we give it maybe days, weeks, until we've gather all those moments of fun in one place. And the more we collect, the deeper it gets, every time we think about fun, and every time we have it.

Playing Together for Fun: Creative Play and Lifelong Games

2005-05-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

Probably the most comprehensive article about the fun-health connection I know of is one that I just so happened to be co-author. Called "Playing Together for Fun: Creative Play and Lifelong Games," the article includes not only a great selection of games, but an extensive analysis of the benefits of play.

Here's a taste:

What are the lifelong benefits of laughter and play?

Social skills – Social skills are learned in the give and take of play. Without play, people have a difficult time developing skills of communicating trust and mutual pleasure. If play is minimal or contains conflicting signals, these skills are not integrated or refined. Concepts of verbal and body language, safety and danger, freedom and boundaries are discovered and practiced repeatedly during infant and child play. Other important qualities that develop through regular play include empathy, compassion and the capacity for intimacy. Emotional intelligence is also developed through play.

Personal strengths – The ability to take on responsibility, find meaning in life, and perhaps discover our personal bliss requires a full measure of play. Play develops adaptability and flexibility, which are fundamental to positive, proactive behavior. Humor and imagination are also byproducts of play. Playful activity is calming and relaxes our nervous systems so that we feel safe which leads us to the next great benefit of play – learning.

Learning – Playful discovery is a doorway to learning. Play helps us exercise our problem solving and adaptive abilities by stimulating our imaginations. Play arouses curiosity, which leads to discovery and creativity. The components of play – curiosity, discovery, novelty, risk-taking, trial and error, pretense, games, social etiquette and other increasingly complex adaptive activities – are the same as the components of learning.

Health – The benefits of laughter and play in easing, overcoming and preventing both physical and emotional health problems are numerous. Studies show that laughing lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, increases muscle flexion, and boosts immune function by raising levels of infection-fighting T-cells, disease-fighting proteins called Gamma-interferon and B-cells, which produce disease-destroying antibodies. Laughter may also trigger the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, and produce a general sense of well-being. These and other benefits are described more fully in the section devoted to play and health.

Connection – Openness of one's heart to others is enhanced through the joy of play. Consistently establishing positive connections with others while playing sets a standard that people, especially children, recognize and return to in search of more positive connections. Sharing joy, laughter and fun with others promotes bonding and strengthens a sense of community. Play-deprived kids are more vulnerable to impulsive behavior, especially when over-stimulated by TV, video games, the emotions of others, or their own easily aroused emotions.

Perseverance – The rewards of learning or mastering a new game teaches us that perseverance is worthwhile. Perseverance is a trait necessary to healthy adulthood, and it is learned largely through play. Perseverance and violence are rarely found together.

Joy and happiness – Beyond all these excellent reasons for playing, there is simply the sheer fun of it. Play is a state of being happy and joyous. Jumping into and out of the world of play on a daily basis can preserve and nourish our own hearts, and the hearts of our communities.

On "Busyness"

2005-05-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

In order to restore a sense of fun to our lives, we have to take back time. As in today's thought for today from an article I wrote, called, oddly enough, "Busyness:"

Sometimes, I feel I have too much time. So I make myself busy. It's like I have to fool myself into feeling purposeful, so I make myself busy. And even though the purpose I'm filling has nothing to do with any purpose I care about, I'm being busy. I find purpose in my busyness, even where there is none. Especially where there is none.

When I'm between jobs, in fact, that's what I miss the most, almost. Someone to look busy for.

Sometimes, even between jobs, I feel I have too little time. So I make myself busy looking for something to get busy doing.

Oddly enough, you don't really have to be busy. Now that you are an adult, you can stop pretending that you are. Really. You don't have to look busy for anybody anymore. Everybody 10-20 years younger than you believes that you are an adult despite how unbusy you try to look. Now you can look like you're having fun again. Like you looked when you were a child. You can afford to enjoy and to look like you're enjoying.