Samurai Thumbs

For those who count themselves amongst the vast or/and half-vast ranks of Thumb Wrestlers, for the multitudes who have experienced the joys of victory and the oft painful agonies of defeat, take heart. For I, Major Fun, Defender of the Playful, bring you this day with this very document the elegant, the pragmatic, the eminently playworthy Thumb Helmet.

Self-evidently, one takes a bit of foil, or candy wrapper, and twists it around the top part of the thumb so as to make a helmet similar to the classic Pickelhaube helmet worn by the German infantry in World War One.

Notice the extreme spike-height in the illustration on the left. This is the kind of Thumb Helmet worn by a high-ranked Thumb Warrior, for, indeed, the higher the spike, the greater the skill required to win.

As in the normal course of Thumb Wrestling, two opponents begin the game by locking fourfingers in the traditional grasp of the Thumb Wrestler.

Losing Helmet

Unlike the heretofore normal game of Thumb Wrestling, helmeted Thumb Wrestlers become Thumb Warriors securing victory, not by anything so crass as trapping the opponent's thumb so as to pin it into the thumb-down of defeat. Rather, the Helmeted Thumb Warrior need only to cause the other player to "lose helmet."

This is accomplished by a variety of sophisticated, cunning strategies, too sophisticated and cunning to enumerate here. Suffice it to say that under helmet jabs, pokes, jousting-like maneuvers, and, of course, spindle-pinning are but a few of the minor infinity of cunning thumbings available to the skilled Thumb Warrior. Actual thumb-to-thumb contact is considered gross, crass, and not nice.

The Way of Thumb

Clearly, the advent of the Thumb Helmet raises the game of Thumb Wrestling to that of a truly non-martial art, henceforth known as "The Way of Thumb."

Spike-height, etc. There is much to be explored. As yet, there is no formulation equating spike-height to one's actual rank, insofar as there are no actual ranks yet established. Neither are there standards for candy-wrapper helmets. Nor is there any specification for the thickness of the foil or the amount of times one can wrap the foil around one's thumb. Do note, however, that the above illustration correctly depicts the recommended amount of thumb-ball exposure. It is considered poor form to construct a helmet that covers one's ball entirely.
Thumb Circles It is equally true that the high-ranking Thumb Warrior does not restrict him- or herself to one-on-one battles, but will frequently take on two warriors, simultaneously. And, should others do similarly, form a Thumb War Circle that can be said to embrace the myriads.


Then there's monochrom's massive Multiplayer Thumb-Wrestling

In their own words:

"monochrom is an art-technology-philosophy group of basket weaving enthusiasts and theory do-it-yourselfers having its seat in Vienna and Zeta Draconis. monochrom is the super-affirmation of the globalization trap. monochrom has existed in this (and every other) form since 1993."

Who, apparently have also managed to contact the Playful Presence, creating a new form of multiplayer thumb wrestling that can engage a minor multitude in the significantly silly. Joining in a thumb wrestle with other people who are also joined in a thumb wrestle, it becomes possible to create patterns of thumb wrestling multitudes, ranging from the "Snowflake" and "Token Ring" to the three-player "Death Star Nuclear Reactor" and the "Down Under" where "A chain formed by sticking the hands between the legs. Please take care not to fall over and hurt your heads!"

Now, if we could only get them to put little foil helmets on their thumbs....